State Slogans

Delaware officials recently came to the conclusion that their lack of tourism is due mostly to the fact that Delaware is a pretty sucky state.

Good news to residents of Delaware and fellow sucky states: no matter how sucky your state is, there is always a chance for good tourism. It's all in marketing. Unfortunately, the best slogan the Delaware PR boys could come up with was: "Delaware: It's Good Being First [Unless We're Talking About Testing The Water To See If It's Inhabited By Pirannas Or Not]."

News flash: as any kindergardener can tell you, first is the worst, and second is the best. Pennsylvania with its rollicking mountains and its difficult to spell name (probably inspired by the Quakers' ancestry going back to Count Dracula) has got you beat. Third, New Jersey, is the one with the hairy chest, but we are all aware of how unkempt Jersey is. (Obligatory New Jersey smells joke.)

If you're going to boast, boast well. And never tell anyone outright why they should visit - that just sounds overly desperate. Arrogance is a key skill. Plus, glossing over the truth doesn't hurt.


Delaware: We're Too Good For You
Delaware: Our Girls Are Pretty Trashy
Delaware: Like One Big Radioactive Freak Show
Delaware: The Deliverance Experience
Delaware: You'll Never Find Our Leprechaun Gold
Delaware: Actual Birthplace Of Jesus Christ
Delaware: Grave Robbing Frowned Upon But Still Accepted
Delaware: Children Still Accepted As Legal Tender
Delaware: Prostitutes Available Upon Request
Delaware: We Caught, Prosecuted, and Executed Waldo
Delaware: Way of the Blade
Delaware: Our Marshes Can Hide All Your Incriminating Past
Or Delaware: A Good Place To Hide Bodies, Just Be Sure To Pick Up A Souvenir On Your Way Out
Delaware: Al-Qaeda Doesn't Care Enough About Us To Hate Us
Delaware: No High School Educated Brat Will Ever Find Us On A Map
Delaware 2: Badass Parade
Delaware: We'd Toll, But We Don't Want Your Dirty Money
Delaware: Future Plans To Build A Laser To Blow Up The Moon
Delaware: Home Of The Mole People
Delaware: Intergalactic Ninja Training Center
Delaware: Our Roads Are Built With The Bones Of Our Enemies


... What was my point again?