You've probably heard them all, you obeselium. And you should be ashamed that your gut waves with less effort and energy than your hands. However, while I'll taunt you mercilessly (because I assume you can absorb a lot before you feel anything) I'm not writing this blog entry simply to hate on your guts, not that there's enough hate in the world for that. Halloween just passed and you probably spent it sitting around the house (quite literally) giving out candy to children because your arms were too stubby to fight off their little grasping hands from your candy tub, AND because you couldn't obtain a costume to attend a costume party not ever since Whale Dress Warehouse changed its name to "Tarps N Tents". Seeing as I am 7% body fat, you and I are slightly connected (though with the amount of cotton candy you eat just about everything connects to you), so I'm going to lend you hand with some quick 'n' easy costume ideas.
You see, my girthy mammothish friends, your body is a canvas - one helluva canvas I might add - that can be utilized in some amazing ways. For instance, break out those once white sweat pants that you've already sweat all the way through, and yellow shirt to be...
Grab a pair of tasteless checkered pants and your choice of colored shirt to be an ever so tasteful...
Deck yourself in red to be ohhhhh yeeahhhhh....
Get more in tune with nature with a little cah-razy hair dye as...
Odds are you're a slob with tons of dandruff. So break out the black, and awe as...
And speaking of black being just ideal...
Put those chunks to good use as you inverse from black to be...
Finally, be life the life of the party when you come parading in as...
Man! I'm on a roll,... which is bad 'cause you'll probably eat anything on roll, fat ass.
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