snack time!

If you haven't pieced it together yet, it's totally fat awareness month! That's right! Are you aware of the fat around you?

And now, in accordance to fat awareness month, here are some random fat facts for you to chew over:

Fascinating fat fact #1:

How many famous fat people can you name? Trick question! There are none! Famous fat people are only famous because they happened to eat someone with more energy and motivation! Odds are they're probably still alive down there. Oh, the humanity!

Fascinating Fat Fact #2:

In poorer countries, being fat is a sign of significant wealth! Because logically, if there's no food in those countries to eat those guys must be fattening up on something. I guess those guy were really sure to eat their greens!

Fascinating Fat Fact #3:

According to NASA scientists, if the number of overweight Americans increases at its current rate, by the year 2013 the solar system will in fact rotate around the earth! Now that's a weighty issue!

Still, remember: the Matrix would like to remind us of fat peoples' larger contribution of energy ensuring its own survival for many years to come.

I got one more then I'll lay off the fatties. (ha HA! Once they're done laying on me!)

roll out da barrels

Life with free time is weird, man.

Lardy, Lardy!

Oy! Fatty! Fatty McFatterson! Yeah, I'm talking to you, turkey gravy! Tubby gut chin-a-thon! Flabs O'Flabbery, chicken grease emporium! When you plan on rolling into or onto town, butter fingers?

You've probably heard them all, you obeselium. And you should be ashamed that your gut waves with less effort and energy than your hands. However, while I'll taunt you mercilessly (because I assume you can absorb a lot before you feel anything) I'm not writing this blog entry simply to hate on your guts, not that there's enough hate in the world for that. Halloween just passed and you probably spent it sitting around the house (quite literally) giving out candy to children because your arms were too stubby to fight off their little grasping hands from your candy tub, AND because you couldn't obtain a costume to attend a costume party not ever since Whale Dress Warehouse changed its name to "Tarps N Tents". Seeing as I am 7% body fat, you and I are slightly connected (though with the amount of cotton candy you eat just about everything connects to you), so I'm going to lend you hand with some quick 'n' easy costume ideas.

You see, my girthy mammothish friends, your body is a canvas - one helluva canvas I might add - that can be utilized in some amazing ways. For instance, break out those once white sweat pants that you've already sweat all the way through, and yellow shirt to be...

Grab a pair of tasteless checkered pants and your choice of colored shirt to be an ever so tasteful...

Deck yourself in red to be ohhhhh yeeahhhhh....

Get more in tune with nature with a little cah-razy hair dye as...

Odds are you're a slob with tons of dandruff. So break out the black, and awe as...

And speaking of black being just ideal...

Put those chunks to good use as you inverse from black to be...

Finally, be life the life of the party when you come parading in as...

Man! I'm on a roll,... which is bad 'cause you'll probably eat anything on roll, fat ass.